It is a privilege for LGBTQIA+ kids to have accepting parents considering the reality mentioned earlier. It is a dream for every unaccepted queers to be shielded by parental acceptance against societal demarcation. To aspiring parents or to those who already have an LGBTQIA+ kid, you can still actualize such hopes for your child as the choice to do so lies with you. Generally, love is the foundation of a well-functioning family and it is something that should not be deprived from anyone. There is no formal nor official conduct of love, but here are essential rules that can help you bring a better world for your queer child. The following discussion thus asserts that to love means to Learn, to be Open-minded, to Validate, and to Embrace the people for who they are.
TO LOVE IS TO LEARN
Educating yourself with such matters is key to genuine understanding. In the modern day, there are many available resources that present the definition of terms that one will encounter as they orient themselves on matters concerning gender. Before you delve into what SOGIE and LGBTQIA are, you should first understand how gender and sex are different.
Sex pertains to one’s biological aspect, which is assigned to you at birth. This is determined based on one’s physiological characteristics. On the other hand, gender pertains to how people identify themselves. This explains why gender is described as a spectrum since it extends beyond the binary form. To further comprehend this, imagine that you have a gay child. Their sex is male because they possess all the physiological characteristics of a biological man. On the other hand, their gender is gay since this is how they identify themself due to their attraction to people that have the same sex as them.
Listed below are the basic terms you need to know to comprehend what SOGIE and LGBTQIA are. These are based on how the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center and Christina Straus of A Greater Hope defined the terms.
- Sexual Orientation — it is one’s sexual and/or romantic attraction to others.
- Heterosexual — a sexual orientation that describes a person’s attraction to the opposite sex.
- Homosexual — a sexual orientation that describes a person’s attraction to the same sex.
- Gender Identity — it is how people identify themselves, which may or may not be aligned with their sex assigned at birth.
- Cisgender — a person whose identity corresponds to their sex assigned at birth.
- Lesbian — a woman who is attracted to other women.
- Gay — a man who is attracted to other men.
- Bisexual — a person who is attracted to people of two or more genders.
- Transgender — a person whose identity is opposite to their sex assigned at birth.
- Queer — an umbrella term for encompassing gender identities and orientations that are not cisgender or heterosexual.
- Intersexual — a person who possess reproductive or sexual anatomy that does not coincide to the definitions of male and female.
- Asexual — a person who does not feel sexually attracted to anyone.
- Pansexual — a person who gets attracted to a person regardless of their gender identity and expression.
- Gender Expression
- Masculine / Feminine — these are stereotypical gender roles imposed by the patriarchal, heteronormative society.
- Androgynous — a person who presents both masculine and feminine characteristics.
It is also important to note that masculine and feminine traits are not exclusive among boys and girls, respectively. Refer to the definition of masculine and feminine, which are gender roles and traits established by society. Masculine traits are assertiveness, logical thinking, and competitiveness while feminine traits are sensitive, empathetic, and emotional openness. Evidently, the traits are so general that it can be embodied regardless of one’s gender. With that, it is conclusive to say that your son is not a heterosexual just because they present feminine traits.
If parents are really eager to know how to approach their queer child the best way possible, they should resort to communicating with them about these matters. It is true that not all LGBTQIA+ individuals are well-oriented of who they are, but what they do know is how they want to be treated by their parents.
TO LOVE IS TO BE OPEN-MINDED
It is important to note that their gender is something that they may also be trying to figure out. For instance, your daughter may have initially thought that they are a lesbian due to their attraction to girls. In a few months time, she discovered that she is also attracted to guys, which makes her conclude that she is bisexual. In a few months again, she discovered that she does not actually care about her partner’s gender identity and expression as long as they possess the traits they are looking for in a decent person, making her conclude that she is pansexual.
This does not imply that you should be doubtful in whatever SOGIE they identify as. This is because the only person who can truly comprehend such matters is them. With that, when you are having such discussions with your child, it is important to be open-minded. When they come out to you, listen to what they have to say so that you can effectively assess how your child wants to be addressed.
Assuming you are a Catholic or a religious person in general, how you understand good parenting to LGBTQIA+ kids is saving them from such a sin. If the Bible did indeed frame homosexuality as a sin, it definitely did not say that it is the duty of the parent to judge and convert their queer child. The job of the parent, as presented in the religious texts, is to nurture and love their child. In Catholicism, it states there that the greatest commandment of all is loving others as well as yourself. It is important to note that feeding your child with traumatic experiences founded by disacceptance will make it challenging for them to grant themselves love and compassion. It should be understood that this is not how saving them looks because it subjects them to the harms that they must avoid. Having that said, it is essential to provide your queer child a healthy environment where love and acceptance foster, not hatred and judgment.
TO LOVE IS TO VALIDATE
Prior to opening up, you have to understand that they went through a process in understanding themselves, exploring definitions evident in the gender spectrum from observing their preferences. They made extensive effort just to understand themselves and gathered enough strength to open it up to their parents. Stating that their homosexuality is just a mere phase is offensive and invalidating. What you can do is to listen to what they have to say, acknowledge the expressed feelings, and assure them that you will accept them regardless of how they identify as.
It should be noted that validation is more than just words. With that, necessary acts should also be done for them to feel that their parents are okay with who they are. You can start by avoiding judgmental non-verbal expressions, which shows your discomfort of the demeanor that your child presents. Other than that, you can also observe the behavior of your child if there are signs that they are being bullied, especially in school. This can be remedied by demanding the school administration to impose anti-bullying and anti-discrimination policies.
TO LOVE IS TO EMBRACE YOUR CHILD FOR WHO THEY ARE
For genuine acceptance to be felt, it is essential that you will not set parameters on to what extent they can show their identity. If their way of expressing themselves seems harmless, then you should not forbid them from doing so. This is to avoid sending a message that they are unaccepted. The more you control your child, the more things that they will hide from you. The less they communicate with you, the more difficult it will be for you to understand them.
You should be there in their process of becoming. With that, you should also understand that this has become your journey as well since such matters were not common during your time. Your comfortability also matters but it should not outweigh that of your child’s. Everyone can meet halfway to ensure comfortability in the household. Therefore, it is important for the family to talk about it so that no one will be in a state of shock.
When judgment arises, especially from the extended family, you have to defend them as much as you can by explaining that there is nothing wrong with your child being queer. Substantiate your point by stating that it is more damaging if you resort to converting them into heterosexuals as it results in trauma that they do not deserve. From this point, it is important to construct such arguments by not balancing it with their impressive traits such as academic standing and other forms of achievement. This reinforces the Philippines’ tolerance on LGBTQIA+ individuals since it is a manifestation of conditional acceptance.
There may be a lot to do to ensure a welcoming household for LGBTQIA+ children. However, the rule of LOVE just simply tells parents to love their children. Parents should love their children for who they are and it is achievable through empathy, understanding, and acceptance. Family is love so let LOVE foster in your household. Save your child from being another Angelo Gonzales.
BIONOTE: Ronald Marion Angelo Aranas Obillo was born on September 23, 2002, in Guiuan, Eastern Samar. He completed his junior high school education at St. Mary’s Academy of Guiuan and his senior high school education at Far Eastern University High School. Currently, he is pursuing a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science at the University of the Philippines Tacloban College. Committed to advancing socio-civic initiatives that empower various community groups, he is an active member of UP Halcyon, where he has served as the Public Relations Officer and as the project head for the notable Citywide Youth Leadership Training. Driven by a passion for public speaking, Mr. Obillo is also a member of the UP Tacloban Debate Society, one of the most prestigious debate societies in Eastern Visayas. He has represented UP Tacloban in various debate competitions, winning awards such as being the overall best speaker of Cebu Inter-school Debating Association: Novice Cup 2023 and the grand champion of the Visayas Novice Debate Cup. As an advocate for LGBTQIA+ rights, he firmly believes that individuals should be recognized and respected despite their sexual orientation and gender identity.
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