Love Month or Control Month? Confronting Technology-Facilitated Gender-Based Violence

February is the month of hearts, chocolates, and grand gestures of love. But for too many women and marginalized genders, it is also a stark reminder that love and intimacy in the digital age are not always safe. Behind the filtered selfies and heart emojis, technology can and often does become a tool for control, harassment, and abuse. This phenomenon is known as technology-facilitated gender-based violence (TFGBV), and it is a growing women and other gender-diverse group’s concerns we cannot ignore.

What is Technology-Facilitated Gender-Based Violence?

According to the Foundation for Media Alternatives (FMA), technology-facilitated gender-based violence (TFGBV) is a term born out of the urgent need to understand how gender-based violence manifests in digital spaces. Moving beyond outdated labels like “cyberbullying,” TFGBV acknowledges that technology can be weaponized to target individuals based on their gender across social media, messaging apps, gaming platforms, AI systems, and more.

TFGBV refers to the use of digital tools such as social media, messaging apps, GPS trackers, dating platforms, or even smart home devices to threaten, harass, or harm someone because of their gender. It can take many forms, including:

• Cyberstalking and surveillance: Unwanted tracking through apps, social media, or spyware on devices.
• Non-consensual image sharing: Distribution of intimate images without consent, often referred to as “revenge porn.”
• Harassment and threats online: Targeted abuse via direct messages, social media posts, or gaming platforms.
• Deepfake exploitation: Manipulating images or videos to create sexualized content of individuals without their permission.

These acts are far more than digital nuisances. They pose serious real-world threats, affecting safety, mental health, and personal autonomy.

Why Love Month Highlights the Danger

Valentine’s Day celebrations often frame romantic gestures in terms of access, possession, and “keeping an eye on your partner.” For abusers, technology can transform seemingly innocent practices by tracking a partner’s location, reading their messages, monitoring their online activity into coercive controlling manner. This is especially dangerous because TFGBV is invisible until it escalates, leaving survivors feeling isolated and powerless.

FMA, through its gender program, reminds us that love cannot thrive in a climate of surveillance and control. True intimacy blossoms only where trust, consent, and mutual respect exist, not where every click, message, or movement is watched.

Fighting Back: A Feminist Tech Perspective

Awareness is the first step. Education about digital privacy, online harassment, and consent can empower people to reclaim their autonomy. Some practical actions include:

• Digital literacy and safety tools: Strong passwords, two-factor authentication, and anti-stalker apps.
• Consent-centered online practices: Always asking permission before sharing intimate content.
• Legislative advocacy: Supporting laws that criminalize non-consensual image sharing, online harassment, and stalking.
• Community support: Amplifying survivors’ voices and challenging victim-blaming narratives.

FMA, through its feminist tech activism, does not seek to reject technology; instead, it strives to take it back and reclaim it as a space for empowerment rather than oppression. Apps, platforms, and devices should foster connection, not amplify control.

Reimagining Love in a Digital World

This February, let us celebrate a love that is free, consensual, and safe. Let us challenge the tech-facilitated abuse that thrives behind screens and hashtags. Let us hold abusers accountable, advocate for safer digital spaces, and remind everyone that love is not about monitoring but about respect.

Technology has the power to connect hearts across the world but only if we ensure it does not simultaneously become a tool of harm. In Love Month, let us champion digital consent, feminist tech literacy, and a world where intimacy is a choice, not a trap.

Support for Survivors

If you or someone you know has experienced TFGBV, support is available. The Foundation for Media Alternatives (FMA) has dedicated TFGBV helpline email to provide confidential, survivor-centered guidance, emotional support, and connections to legal and mental health resources:

Email: tfgbv.helpline@proton.me
Read more about the helpline here.

No one should face digital abuse alone. Help is just a message away.